Far away and 40 books ago, we read Marked, the first book in the House of Night Series by mother-daughter duo Kristen & P.C. Cast. It was the second book we read for the podcast and the first book we threw across a room (that's not an exaggeration).

Today, we've decided to return to the House of Night for a second helping of outrageous caricatures of teenagers trapped within a love rhombus - just in time for the Halloween season! This time, our main protagonist has the option of THREE cardboard cutouts of men ranging from ‘a basic 7th grader’s idea of the perfect boyfriend’ to ‘needy but he does what I say’ to ‘older creepy guy’.

Content Warnings: alcohol/alcoholism, bloodplay, bombs, car accidents, cutting, drowning, kidnapping, masturbation, sex, and some mild violence (and also vampires, zombies, and teenagers if those are problematic for you, I guess).

Although the authors and their publishers have distanced themselves from their old book trailers, they're still clinging to life over on YouTube for your amusement: House of Night Book Trailers. Why is Zoey 37? Why are her tattoos actually just black marker? Why do I feel like I'm about to watch porn?